You are my fire

I was told that you were like the kindling that started my fire. I thought about it for awhile. I don’t think so I think you are my fire. With out you my fire has gone away. I have found tons of matches but nothing to light.

I have had couple of fires. While sitting back and enjoying it. Something never seemed right. It would shortly rain and the fire would be gone. I am not sure if I will have that fire again. Maybe it was once in a lifetime kinda thing. I hope not. Lots of kindling but no matches. With you the fire just burned with no problem. We had it all matches and kindling and no rain. I no if you could you would restart my fire. You never want me to with out it. Unfortunately it doesn’t work like that. I wish it did.

Tired

I am so tired of roaming this world alone. I just want some one to want me. I am getting old and too tired to search. It used to be fun but now I am just lonely. The nights get cold with no one to cuddle with. The day’s are fine I just roam around looking for food and shelter. I just want some one to roam with me. What have I done so wrong in this life that no one wants me? Sure I can find a ‘Tom cat”. They are not long turn and they never stay. I just want a parter in this life. I am starting to think I will roam this earth alone forever. I manage to chase away any one who gets to close. I have no idea why. I have found a few who stayed for awhile but then something better came along. Alone again I was. I am not as playful as the young Kittys. They are cute and full of life. I am old and tired. I just don’t want to play anymore.



It all started when I was thrown out of my house 8 years ago. Since then I have not been able to find the right place to stay. I traveled far. Yet I still have no one to roam with. I realize it must be me. I am really starting to feel like there is no one out there to be my partner. Seasons change and winter turns in to summer. That’s how I know how long I have been alone. Not sure how much more seasons left I have. I just wish I could enjoy the rest of the seasons safe and with someone.

Some one I used to know

I walked in I saw you, I could tell you did not see me. I slipped away in the crowd. I saw you put your hand on her back just like you have done with me. I remember how great that used to feel. You are just some one I used to know. We went from friends to lovers to some one I used to know. Thank god it’s crowded in here. I can blend in with out you seeing me. I am not ready to be your friend or meet my replacement. I watched you from across the room for awhile. Can’t tell if I felt angry or sad. I feel sad that I lost you as my friend. I wanted to run up to you and hug you. Knowing that would not be ok with him. I have no idea what he would do if he seen me.

While I stand here alone and he is with her. Makes me upset that I have no one to put there hand on my back or to dance with.

I will walk out quietly. To make sure you don’t hear me or see me. I walk to my next place of choice since this one is taken. I wonder is she knows any thing about me? How you lied and hurt me. Worse you abandoned me! Sad to think you were my friend . I will go on to enjoy my night. I will be with real friends that don’t leave me!

Pretty kitty

When I go out roaming every one wants to pet me. They all say how pretty I am. Some of them like to pick me up and give me kisses. Some of them offer me really good food. Then they all let me go. No one ever wants to offer me a home. “I am to cute to be out on the streets”. That’s what they all say but no one is willing to even get to really no me. If they did they most likely would throw me back out any ways.

Ugh my body is sore and I feel so tired. It’s getting cold and I need to figure out my life. I am to old for this. I should have my life figured out by now. I should be a house cat. I shouldn’t be out here alone walking around.

I was out and about one day and I heard a small human say look mom a stray kitty. Wait what did she call me? A stay wtf that mean? Like homeless?? I heard the big human say don’t touch it could have disease. Wait what? Listen human it’s not my fault my owner left me! All the humans only want the little Kittys. Oddly so do all the damn “Tom cats “ want too.

What ever!!! I am am better then all those damn kittens. Yes I maybe lazy and like to sleep all the time and eat. I am just as cuddly as a kitten is. Well who am I fooling if you get to close I will hiss at you. Dear lord if ever try to grab I will bite you! Soooo maybe that’s why I am a “stray”

I better learn how to be cute and cuddly. Other wise I will be alone forever.

Why

Why am I at this bar alone? Men bothering me. I don’t want them just you. Where are you not here. You are just a text away. You are not here to dance with why??? Cause you can’t or just don’t want to be?? The answer is unknown. Many men would take your place. Do I want them to no!

Do I even no who I want? No idea it changes from day to day. I used to know who I wanted every night. That is no longer an option. So back to who ever texts that night. When did this become my life. Why has this become my life? I have so much to give. No one ever stays long enough to know how much I have.

Could I settled down? Maybe I am not sure? Can you tame a stray cat? Can you you make a feral cat a house cat?

Can you change a “Tom” cat? 

Bad decisions

Since I was born I was told don’t fall for a “tom’ cat. They are only good for fun. That being said fun they are! How do you know a “Tom” cat is a “Tom” cat. Well first of all if you see him out and about pretty sure he is. If he out all the time he is not domesticated. Some times in life all you want is “Tom” cat. If you want to run around and have some fun then they are perfect for you. Don’t expect him to be there in the morning. He will be out hunting for a new kitty by the time you wake up. 

Now can they become domesticated after running wild for so long? Yes and no. In time they will try to settle down they get tired of running around. Usually that only last a little while.  Some one will leave a door open or a window open and out they go.

They have the chase in them and you can never change that. So when your out having fun and see a “Tom ” cat just remember they are just having fun. Will they ever come back? Sure they will if you feed a stray they alway eventually will come back. They don’t mean no harm. There just out having fun looking for a chase. No matter what they say they will leave in time. So don’t ever fall for a”Tom” cat you will end up getting your heart hurt. 

Wtf

I believe that men and I guess woman but I speaking as a woman so. Men should have to fill out an application before they get a date. I want reference!

Just because you buy dinner does not give you a pass to grope me! It’s not like a fucking down payment. Don’t think that if I hug you it means more.

I am nice and I hate conflict. I hate to be mean. So it makes it hard when some one does something that I don’t want. I have drove away from a groping date. Before I pull out I hit block. Is that right no! It’s not. I do what I hate when it’s done to me.

I have had some one tell me I am just not for them. It hurt worse then being blocked. The words hurt. It felt like just like when I was married. When he said I just don’t want you.

When I go on date and they ask me about my ex. I just say he fucked my best friend. Then the conversation is over. There is so much more but I will never talk about.

I have gotten to close to some. I told them my dark past. In there meanest they have used it against me.

I have no idea what has happened in this crazy world. Many days I just give up. I rather just stay single.

I have heard stories from my guy friends that woman are just as crazy. I could image that. Maybe we are all crazy became we have to deal with crazy ass men!!! Lol

When cats dream

I love to sleep! It’s when every thing is good. When I sleep you are here with me. We are back in our house and happy. I can even smell you in my sleep. I don’t need for anything. I have every thing I need. I get to lay on that great bed. I can feel you laying next to me.

Then I get woken by another furry thing that barks. So annoying, Not sure why humans like them so much. They are so needy. Maybe that’s what I need to be more needy. There are tons of kittys out here. You don’t see very many dogs. Now this thing wakes me up out of my happy place. Now I have to run because its now chasing me. I run up a big tree. He can’t climb so I am safe. I find a branch and off to sleep I go……

This time my dream is not good. I am searching for you. I can’t find you. You left me again! I can’t even have a good dream any more. I have a hard time remembering you. Soon I will forget your voice then your smell. My dreams won’t be happy any more. I don’t no how long you have been gone. I do no I want to find you. No one can take care of me like you.

Our time was cut short. You just left me one day. Until I can see you again I just hope to see you when I sleep. I hope I never forget you. The only time I feel happy is when I dream……

Why a Tom cat?

I met up with my “Tom” cat. I asked him why do you like being a “Tom” cat? He said well I don’t make a good house cat soooo. I asked what makes a good house cat? He says well for starters you have to like to be stuck in one house for years. I said well I get that but don’t you get tired of having to search for everything? He then said no because if I wanted everything handed to me I would be a house cat.

I asked him don’t you get lonely out here all by yourself. He said I am not alone very often there lots of out here. Some not so nice and some are too nice. He went on to tell me he wasn’t always a “Tom” cat. I had home once humans that fed me. I had a nice warm bed that slept in. Then one day I went out to play. I guess I lost my way. I tried to find them but I never did.

I went hungry for bit. I had no idea what to do with out my humans. I missed them a lot but I guess they never looked for me.

So then the chase began. I had to chase my meals,warmth and any thing else I wanted. I learned real quick the big things on the road stay away! Also the kitty police with a net. Run!!!!I have lost a lot of friends to both.

I went on to ask him did you ever try to find another house to stay in? He said no I guess I was a one house kinda kitty. I had it once so at least I can say I had it. There lots of kitty’s out here who have never been in house.

The world is our house. We are free to go any where. There is always food somewhere. You can always find a nice warm place to stay. When you stop trying to find the perfect house to live in. You will learn to enjoy the freedom.

Sorry kitty I gotta go. I have been here with you to long. Then the “tom’ cat ran off. I will see him in a few weeks maybe….

Where are you???

You have me searching all over this town for you. Where are you?? Are you hurt some where??? I try calling you no answer. I text nothing…

O wait you have just been ghosted! Why do people think this ok? When did this become a normal thing. When did a break up text become a thing. What is wrong with people!? I can’t under stand. Do people ever grow up?? Am I going to be playing these stupid games in my 60″s?? Dear lord I hope not!

There is gotta to be a better way. I am so tired of dating. Ugh!!! My friends say then don’t date. Well what other options do I have? I don’t want to be alone forever. Dating is like gardening you have to weed out all the bad stuff. I don’t have time to garden. I just want the good stuff.

After another bad date or getting ghosted. I become to hate my ex husband. I should not be dealing with this shit in my 40″s. Then I think of all the fun I have. I get less angry at him. I mean the last 9 years I have done more then I did when I was with him. So really I should thank him in some ways.

My real question is do men ever grow up??? Do they ever stop the games? I mean really why ghost some one? Just say what you want! We are all adults and we can handle it.

Have I ever been the one that ghosted some one? I am guilty of it too. Not sure why I do it. I guess it’s easier to hit block. Then say your to old, weird, short,needy, and best of all boring. I hate being mean to people. I never want to hurt any one.

Have I become a serial dater? God I hope not. Maybe I should start drinking coffee lol. What am I looking for?? I hate this question. I want to say I have no idea. I really don’t but when I find it I will let you no.

I wish there was an app to build the perfect guy. Like mr potato head. Wouldn’t that be great!

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