What kind of cat?

What kind of cat do you want to be? You want to be that cat that sits inside and looks at all the crazy things outside? Do you want to be out chasing all the crazy things? I always thought I wanted to be the cat inside looking at all the crazy. Somehow I got out. Once I started chasing all the crazy stuff. I couldn’t stop! I’ve been out here so long I have forgotten what inside looks like. How it feels just to sit and watch.

I am so tired of chasing things. I see all these cats looking at me threw the widows. I wonder, are they jealous? Well, I am jealous of them. I want to be inside looking out. I want a nice safe place to stay. I’m tired of chasing and running and looking for stuff. I want to be inside, safe from all the crazy. I want someone to bring me food. I want someone to cuddle me at night. I wonder if these cats inside even understand how good they have it. Then you have the perfect cat. The ones that go out and chase all day but have to go back in and get all the inside benefits. They get the best of both worlds.

I was not that lucky to get that life. I was blessed with the energy of struggles. I was always chasing and running from what I had no idea anymore. I hang out with all the Kitty’s that all go home at the end of the day. They stay and play and chase with me. Then they all leave. Until the next day, they will be back. They have no idea how good they have it.

Will you be that cat that travels threw this life alone? Will you be that cat who has someone forever? I’m getting old being out here alone. Chasing gets more challenging every day. So, before you answer, what kind of cat do you want to be? Remember, it could be forever…..

The other woman

So women always fear “the other woman.”  What happens if you were always the “other woman.” I somehow have fallen into this role most of my life. I became the person people hate. “The other woman.” I’m really not sure why or when it started.  I have been single on my own for so long. I really don’t even remember how it feels to have a partner—someone to share your life with. I must give out that vibe. I’m the fun girl, not the girl they chose long-term. Oddly was like before marriage. I was married for 12 long years. Then I was set free! I fell right back into my role. Always single. Do I like being the other woman? It’s not like I set out looking to be. I guess I kind of like the fact they will never get attached. I still have the freedom to do what I want.

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Maybe it’s the thrill of it. I’m not really sure. I do know why I never trust anyone. I tried finding Mr. Right, but my Mr. Right was someone else’s. That seemed to be the theme of my life. I gave in and decided just go with it. For most of my life, I am just single. Do I fear I will be forever? Yes, for sure. How will life change if it has yet to this far? Will I always be “the other woman”? Or will I find a guy who chooses me? Someone who will see all the love I have to give. Who will see past the damaged heart? Someone who helps me change the path of destruction that I am on. I guess we shall see, but for now, I will continue to live free!

#fuck2020

I can’t say anything more than serious fuck off 2020! So what has happened in this year of hell? First of all, we lost our freedom. Never ever did I ever see the day that would happen. When did you ever think leaving your house would be a crime? Something that was supposed to be two weeks has gone on for eight months and still counting! My son lost his best friend to suicide. He was 19! I lost my income. We were trapped in the United States. We are forced to wear masks to hide our faces. My poor beloved bunny died. Half of the world was on unemployment. I now have a fear of going out in large crowds. I got involved in politics since our freedom was taken. I wanted to understand what the fuck was going on. I wish more people would of. Maybe we wouldn’t be in the situation we are in now. I realized people are clueless. I learned how sheltered people are. It’s actually terrifying that people believe the media.

Sadly I have realized that I live in a different world than most of my friends. For starters, I live in the hood. I also love it! Most of my friends won’t even come to my house. It’s sad the sheltered life they live. They will never see what I see. They will never learn what I have. Oddly I don’t judge them for living sheltered lives, but yet they judge me. How can you judge something that you have never lived? I used to live my life like all of them. I would never go back. Having to shelter in place, I had a lot of time to think. I am definitely the odd man out of all my friends. Has this caused me to be more distant? Yes, I would definitely say so. Would I realize this if we weren’t forced to stay home? No, most likely not. Do I still love all my friends? Yes, of course. The smartest friend I have. Left this fucking country a year and a half ago. I know for a fact he would also say fuck 2020! He has had a rough year for sure.

The world has gotten mean! Everyone is pissed! For an excellent reason. They have lost loved ones and could not say good-bye. So many people have lost their lives. People have lost their jobs, houses, business and the list goes on. I feel horrible for everyone. Unfortunately, 2021 isn’t looking very bright either. I am shocked at how many people are willing to give up their freedom. Then again, if you live a sheltered life and watch media. They really have no idea what is going on. I recently had a friend say only the uneducated voted for freedom. I can’t even comment on that….

For all of you that work in the medical field, for all you workers on the front line. My heart goes out to you. For all of you who have lost your business. For all of you who have lost your job. For all of you have lost their house. For all of you who lost love ones. I will pray for you in 2021. The well-educated people chose they didn’t want freedom……..

I just need you to know……

When I heard the news I just wanted to hear your voice. I just need to know your ok. There is no way for me to contact you. Trust me I tried every option. When you shut me out you boarded up the windows and the doors. I have held you so many nights while you cried. I can only image your pain now. Even though we have had zero contact in months. I think of you often. I may never ever speak to you again.  In my life I have lost a lot of friends. Losing you was the worst. We only new each other for a short amount of time. Some reason I just felt connected to you. I can only believe you did not feel the same. Since you were able to walk away from our friendship. My heart hurts for you, I just want to make sure your ok. I may never get my answer and that is something I have to live with. I can promise you, that if you pick up the phone in 2 years and call. I will answer. Friendships don’t expire. I connected with you the first time I met you. That I will never forget. Maybe just maybe you still follow my blogs. Most likely you do not. I believe when you cut me out of your life you cut every thing. Maybe some day you will read this and pick up the phone and I will answer. Till then I pray for you and your heart. I never nor will I ever forget about you. I just needed you to know…….

 

 

 

 

Cell Phone

Do you ever look around and see how many people are on their phone? I am not just talking about just young people, either; it’s everyone! I remember one night I was out with friends and we were all on our phones. One of my friends said, “Well, I guess I will get mine too.” I looked around and everyone was on them. No one was talking, they were just on their phones. When did we become these people? Why can’t we get unplugged for a night?

One day I left for a doctors appointment and I forgot my phone. At first there was full panic, then I was like, “I kinda enjoy this.” I sat down and waited and looked over at my son, who hadn’t stopped texting since we left the house. I look over and everyone waiting was on their phone. I was like, “Well, damn! I will Just watch the tv.” As I am writing this blog, right now, I am in the pool on my phone.

When did our phone become our lifeline? If I lost my phone, the only people I could call would be only one of my sons, and my mom and dad’s home phone. When did that happen? I used to know everyones phone number by heart. I don’t even own a camera, I take all my photos on my phone. I think I talk to my kids in text, more then I do in person.

At work there is no radio, so literally all you hear is like 20 conversations going on. Sometimes I wish we had a radio just to block out all the conversation I hear. It’s so nice at work because I am not allowed to have my phone.  When I get my break, it’s a treat to see what had happened in the world, while I was stuck in hell.

My kids never seem to understand the fact that I don’t have my phone at work. For them to go eight hours without one would be some kind of torture. They will say,  “Mom! I texted you. Why didn’t you respond?” I will tell them, yet again, I do not have my cell at work.

While I was married, it was always the computer! It came first, then the boys, then me. Ugh! I hated that damn thing! Then from there, it became the cell phone. I can say that Facebook definitely helped my marriage end. I know that I can’t be the only person who can say that. When your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife is always on their phone, you have to wonder what is more important then talking to you? Who are they talking to? Have you ever texted someone and didn’t get a response, but then see they are active on Facebook, or post something. Wtf!!!

The worst thing is when their phone rings late at night, when your both in bed together. Who is calling, and why? It’s like having a third person in your relationship. It just makes you question so much; all because of the cellphone. I read online that a restaurant had opened up that blocks cellphones towers; it makes people talk! Why is that news? Is that how bad it has gotten? Most likely the people at work know better then anyone, because there are no cell phones for us, for seven hours. No music…nothing.

Our phones are used for so much; music, photos, social media, texting, emailing and even the lost feature…making a phone call. The next time you’re out with friends, or having a nice dinner with loved ones, put the phone away.

Enjoy the moment.