Fallen

They say cats always land on their feet. This time I don’t think so. I can’t get the strength to get back up. They say it doesn’t matter how many times you fall as long as you get back up. I’ve lost that power and am unsure if I will ever find it again. The simple words are you ok? The answer is no. I’m not ok at all. No one knows what to say to that. As if they expect you to say yes. There are about 7 billion people in this world, and I have found ones who really don’t give a shit. I always knew of the dangers, but I never thought they would hit me as they did. The ones I always thought would be there can’t be. I am entirely alone in this fight.

I’m sad, I’m scared, and I’m all alone. I want to be held and told it would be ok. Even though I know, it won’t be. What do you do when the only ones that can help you back up are the ones that broke you? I have no one to run to. I am truly alone! I’m just going to sit here and cry.

   I came to you broken, and you turned me away. I have fallen so hard I can’t get back up. You shut the door on me. I did nothing to deserve this except trust the wrong person. I didn’t even realize I could hurt so much. Are you ok? The word no meant nothing to you.

I’m just another kitty to you. Why I thought I was special, I don’t know. I never ask for anything. Tonight I needed you. You left me crying, unable to stand. I realize there is nothing you can do. I didn’t require you to fix me. I just needed you to hold me. That was too much to ask. My world has fallen apart. I laid down and prayed for the sun to come up. Unfortunately, nothing changed. This pain isn’t going away. How are 7 billion people in this world, and I am alone? No one seems to care that I am lost kitty with no one. I guess I’m not lost because no one is looking for me. This journey I’m on isn’t fun anymore.

  It’s raining and storming even though the sun is out. I can not see it threw all the darkness. I’m just going to lay here till the storm passes. I have no idea when that will be. How do you solve something that can’t be solved? How do you fix something that can’t be fixed? How do you see the light threw the darkness? How do I fight this fight alone? How do you fight demons you can’t see? How do you reach for help when no one can help?

This is a long dark journey ahead. I have to find the strength to get threw it. Choices were made. This will not be easy. I will fight till the end. God, please give me the strength to handle this.

If cats could cry

If cats could cry, my whiskers would soaked with tears. The other night when you were crying, I licked your tears away. Wishing I could also cry. I finally found a safe place to stay; a place I would love to call home. All you say is you can’t wait to leave. You don’t have to leave me, but you choose to. Why do you still hold me and tell me you miss me while your gone? I have never done any thing wrong. All I did was let you play with me. I purr the minute I see you. I never want morning to come. With each night that passes, you get closer and closer to leaving me. Don’t you worry that someone might take me? What if I get lost and starve to death? How could you just leave me, and not care?

I know there is another cat waiting for you there. She won’t be anything like me. I am the best cat out there, and you have me. You’re just going throw me out and leave? Why??!? What on earth did I do so wrong? I look at you with sad eyes. I love you and I don’t want you to go. All I can do is show you. If cats could cry…..

Fight For Me!

That’s all I ever wanted was someone to fight for me! Choose me! Love me! Pick me! No one ever fights for me; they just leave me! They walk away without a fight. I am never the one!

The movie My Best Friend’s Wedding comes to mind, when she calls her best friend, and she is asking, “Who is chasing who? and what is going on?” Her best friend asks, “Well, who is chasing you?” No one was. She only realized it, after he said it. She could just pull over, and no one would care. She was the one chasing them; they were not chasing her.

Will I ever find it? Most likely not. Just like everyone has given up fighting for me, I have given up looking for someone. I won’t even put up a fight when you leave me. When I see someone fighting so hard to keep someone happy, I think how nice it would be just to have one person in my life fight for me like that.

Just like every rose has its thorns, just like every cowboy singes a sad. sad song, life will move on. I remember my uncle telling me a story about swans, how when they mate they stay together, forever. If one of them passes away, the one swan will live alone for the rest of their life. I remember thinking, “How beautiful and sad is that?” Maybe I am like a swan? Maybe I had my mate and now I am alone? Alone I will stay forever. As I aleays say, nothing is forever, except death.