One stormy night

  The day had turned into night. There was a storm coming. I could hear that loud noise in the sky. I knew what was coming next. The water will fall. Now I have been threw a lot of storms since you left me out here. Tonight was different. I was offered a nice warm place to stay.

This lovely man said what are you doing out this storm? I will take you in just for the night. He gave me something to eat and drink. He let me sleep on the bed. At first, I didn’t want to get too close, so I slept at the end of the bed. The ball was in the sky. The storm had passed. Out I went. For some reason, I kept thinking about that lovely place and wishing I could return. Then one night, I was out walking. I see him again. He says hey kitty, sleep inside tonight. I was confused. It’s not stormy. Was he out here looking for me?

He says no one can no you here, so if you see anyone hide. I have been hiding and running for three years, so that was no problem. Still totally confused about why I am here—not going to complain about the excellent food, a nice cool place to stay. This time I slept a little closer. Just like before, the morning came, and out I went. This time I didn’t roam very far just in case, he wanted me back. This felt different than anyone else who has let me in. He didn’t try to keep me. He made sure I was taken care of and let me go.

Every few nights, he would find me again and take me in. I am still confused about what to think. He never leaves food or water for me. I am not going to complain. I get out of the heat and get food, and he gives me lovely kisses. He talks to me and never tries to keep me. It seems like a perfect situation. Good things never last so going to make the most of it.

One night he came out for me. I, of course, never went too far in case he came for me. Duplicate all the other nights. Now oddly, at this point, I would usually be looking for a way out. Not this time. Maybe because he didn’t care if I left or stayed. Morning came, but this time, he said you could stay and hang with him today. Loung around all-day and not deal with the heat and search for food. Sounds great! Night came, and now I wanted out! I wanted to make sure I could still get out. He said ok kitty you can go see you soon.

Not sure how long it was, but it had been a while, and he had not come to get me. I was sad. I figured he decided not to break his rules of no kitties. Then one night, I showed up and just sat there. He came out and said come on in, kitty. He told me he had been busy. I was just happy to sleep in a bed tonight!

I have been able to hang inside all day a few times and many nights and still confused about where I belong. I’m pretty sure if I went away, he would not look for me. I’m not sure if he would even miss me. For right now, I have a safe place from storms……..

What kind of cat?

What kind of cat do you want to be? You want to be that cat that sits inside and looks at all the crazy things outside? Do you want to be out chasing all the crazy things? I always thought I wanted to be the cat inside looking at all the crazy. Somehow I got out. Once I started chasing all the crazy stuff. I couldn’t stop! I’ve been out here so long I have forgotten what inside looks like. How it feels just to sit and watch.

I am so tired of chasing things. I see all these cats looking at me threw the widows. I wonder, are they jealous? Well, I am jealous of them. I want to be inside looking out. I want a nice safe place to stay. I’m tired of chasing and running and looking for stuff. I want to be inside, safe from all the crazy. I want someone to bring me food. I want someone to cuddle me at night. I wonder if these cats inside even understand how good they have it. Then you have the perfect cat. The ones that go out and chase all day but have to go back in and get all the inside benefits. They get the best of both worlds.

I was not that lucky to get that life. I was blessed with the energy of struggles. I was always chasing and running from what I had no idea anymore. I hang out with all the Kitty’s that all go home at the end of the day. They stay and play and chase with me. Then they all leave. Until the next day, they will be back. They have no idea how good they have it.

Will you be that cat that travels threw this life alone? Will you be that cat who has someone forever? I’m getting old being out here alone. Chasing gets more challenging every day. So, before you answer, what kind of cat do you want to be? Remember, it could be forever…..

Learning disability

Living with a learning disability is so hard. I was often called “Stupid” from peers and boyfriends; worse yet, my husband. When I was much younger I had speech problems. People who know me now, are like “Really?” Yes. I could not say bird, or board, or purple and lots of other words. My sister often talked for me. I can remember being very irritated. I remember thinking, “Why can’t they understand me?” I would wait for my sister to fix what I was saying. I remember going to speech class in school. I was so happy that finally someone would help. I’m not just speaking for me. I also suffered from another learning disability that was not found until later in life. I remember getting sent to summer school every year. I was so sad, and I tried so hard, yet I had failed once again. I remember getting that letter; it meant I had failed.

I tried so hard but I just could not write, or read the way I was suppose to. I remember getting put into Spanish class. I was like, “WTF?! I can barely pass English.” I failed of course. Then I was tested and when I came back in 9th grade,  my reading level was that of a 6th grader.

Then the label came of a disability, and I was put in a “special ” English class. All my friends would pick on me, daily. That is most likely why I would find things to make the pain go away. I will talk about that in another blog. I was told, “Don’t bother taking SATS. You will just fail.” I was told, “Don’t even try college. You will never make it.” Well that sucks. There was no real help for my disability just a teacher that would “help” me….just like with my sister who would speak for me.

To this day, I can’t even post this blog until it’s proof read, and “fixed.” Otherwise, it would not be readable. I have taken tests to get a job that would change my life. I would fail like always. When I got my results, I would always hear my ex-husband say, “Your a loser and you have nothing. You will never have a career or money. You are too dumb to do anything.” I always figured that God had a plan for me.  He must. He sent me my husband, I thought.

I would be the loving wife, and then God sent me two great boys. I figured that was the plan He had for me. I was brought up with the belief that you stay married, no matter what.

No matter how bad it got, I stayed. This was the way life was, right?

Wrong! I guess God had other plans. He must have known that I was stronger then I ever thought I was. Thank God that even with a learning disability, I was smart enough to survive.

My life has never been easy. Never. Every day is a struggle. Even writing this blog is hard.

So the next time you meet someone with a disability don’t ever feel sorry for them. Don’t talk for them, and they don’t need your help. Just respect them and realize that there life is so much harder then yours. Be grateful for life and what God has given you. I believe he has a plan for everyone. He just made me realize that even though I have this disability I am still very strong.