Your Last Breath

We cried while holding you. We could tell you were slipping away. I told you, “Just be free baby.” We loved you up to your last breath. My poor son was crying non stop. He thought it was his fault that you had to leave us so early. You can’t speak to us. We tried to always make you happy. We don’t understand why you had to leave us so early. I hope you know that we loved you so much.

I swear the other night I saw you running around. You were always so happy just running in and out of closets. I hope you did not feel pain. If only you could talk we would have known you were sick. I was holding my son as we laid down to rest. I never seen him cry like this before. He loved you with all his heart. Him hurting is making my heart hurt, even worse.

Learning about death is horrible. Watching your son cry is the worst. I can’t fix this. No matter what I do. I can’t bring her back. I hate that you had to go so soon. I hope you know we loved you. Be free baby I hope to see you up in heaven.

What if?

Have you ever wondered what if I didn’t do something, how different would my life be? What was the reason I met this person? Is it fate? Is it just the way it was supposed to be? The night I re-met my, now ex-hubby, I wasn’t even suppose to go out. My friend called me at the last minute and asked me to join him. I remember this so clear, because I have gone over it hundred times in my head. I really didn’t want to go out at all. It was like something in me said that I had to go. I then sat out on my car for an hour, waiting for my friend to come. He was running late because he had car trouble, so it’s odd that I stayed and waited.

He was literally leaving the next week for New York. He had his orders and everything was planned. It all changed after that night.

After that night we will go on to be married for 12 years, have two kids, and many houses.

What if and why? Why did I go? Did someone have plans for us, and we don’t know it? I do not believe we meet people by accident. I believe there is a reason for everything. Sometimes we just have to figure it out…like a puzzle.

This is a story that, until now, I have only shared with close friends. I was working one night, and a guy came to work with me. I instantly felt a connection; one that I have never felt with my husband. Yes, I was still very married, and I just had my youngest he was 4 months old.

He must have felt the connection, too. He smiled at me,  and from there, it was an emotional affair. I was totally ignored by my hubby, because I had just become a wife and mother of kids. The physical and metal abuse was at its all time high.

While the boys were playing,or taking naps, I would find him online we would chat for hours. It had been so long since I felt wanted. I felt excited to go to work, and we would have dinner together. I can not explain the connection I felt with him, but as fast as I met him, it was just as fast as I lost him.

I went to sign onto the computer one day, like have for maybe 6 months. He was offline and offline he will stay. Why???? I now believe he was there to test me; to see how far I would go. Oddly, my ex knew nothing of any of this… nothing at all. But after this, I realized that I did love my husband, well, as much as I ever did. We were strong, and I felt we had busted through a wall that he never even knew was there.

I wonder are we connected to people for a reason? Who has a plan for us and what is the plan? If I never went in to that bar that night, where would I be today? Have I ever came into someones life and changed their world, without even knowing that I did?

Was I ever someones test? Have I ever changed anyone’s path? I sometimes wish I could see the world without me in it, like being able to watch it, just see how I made a difference in this crazy world.

Next time you meet someone think, “Why? Why was this person put in my life?”

The Other Cat

One day I was out sunning myself by the window. I looked up and I saw another cat! I swear, from the photos I saw, I thought that was the cat the man had said he had lost! There she was looking in the window. He had warned me that she might come back around. He explained on how he had spent years chasing her all around town. She was just never happy at his house. I guess she thought that she could find a bigger house, a better house, or somebody else that could love her more. For some reason I never believed him. I always thought she was make believe. But there she was just watching in the window. Not sure what happened next but I obviously laid down and took a nap. The next thing I knew, the man was coming through the door. Somehow he could just tell that I was upset, even though I hadn’t said anything. He said, “Don’t worry about her. She’ll never be allowed back into my house. You’re the only kitty I want in my bed.”

I remember a story he had told me about how this other kitty had ran away. He had searched and searched, but finally he just gave up…until a big storm came. I remember this storm. My cats lost most of their trees and they were so scared. Of course, I came to there recuse and got them safe from this bad storm.

This kitty went back to his house; I guess she felt safe with him for the moment. He told me, “I guess I was just so happy she had came back, I didn’t realize she would just run off again. I told her how much I cleaned up the house and fixed up some stuff. She seemed happy for a little while. Then next thing I new she jumped the fence and was happy in another house.”

If she is so happy why is she looking in my window?! I don’t share my house! So go run, wild kitty! You’re not welcome here no more! I’m not sure why she would rather run around the town rather then be safe. I have been out there for many years. You are always on the look-out. There are always bigger cats trying to get you…or dogs. I felt like I was always running from cars, and people.


I was always looking for food, and just trying to stay away from things that would hurt me. Now I had found my safe place I would never run away from this house. He would have to kick me out. I seemed to make him happy, and I was the happiest I have ever been. So go away other kitty! You had a great house. You chose to leave it…….

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