Distracted Driving

Distracted Driving. No, I’m not talking about using your cell phone, but yeah that is a problem. I am talking about your mind distracting you. Have you ever driven somewhere and thought, “How the hell did I get here? How was I so lost in thought that I just got here. Did I stop at any red lights?”

This is what is wrong with our world, we are so busy in our heads that we don’t see anything. Some people live only 15 minutes from the ocean, and yet, they haven’t been there in years; it’s true when people say this. I am like, “WTF!” When I lived in New Hampshire. People would see mountains all day, but drive right past them and have never climbed one.

Me, on the other hand, bought a book to help me find every mountain I could climb within 4 hours from me. I climbed a mountain every weekend. Now that I live by the ocean I try to go to the beach every week; even in the winter. If I put my toes in and they don’t freeze, I jump right in, clothes and all. I live for the moment and enjoy where I am.

I live in a place where people save up all year just to visit for a week. Yet, I get caught up in life and forget where I am going. We become robots; get up, go to work, come home, relax. Yet, we live where people go on vacation.

It’s a good thing our red lights are 5 minutes long. For real. Moving from the north, I really thought the stoplights were broke. Maybe they make them take so long, so you have time to slow down and look around; take in everything. Next time your at a red light, think “Maybe I need to look around.” If your not stuck in your own mind.

The Other Cat

One day I was out sunning myself by the window. I looked up and I saw another cat! I swear, from the photos I saw, I thought that was the cat the man had said he had lost! There she was looking in the window. He had warned me that she might come back around. He explained on how he had spent years chasing her all around town. She was just never happy at his house. I guess she thought that she could find a bigger house, a better house, or somebody else that could love her more. For some reason I never believed him. I always thought she was make believe. But there she was just watching in the window. Not sure what happened next but I obviously laid down and took a nap. The next thing I knew, the man was coming through the door. Somehow he could just tell that I was upset, even though I hadn’t said anything. He said, “Don’t worry about her. She’ll never be allowed back into my house. You’re the only kitty I want in my bed.”

I remember a story he had told me about how this other kitty had ran away. He had searched and searched, but finally he just gave up…until a big storm came. I remember this storm. My cats lost most of their trees and they were so scared. Of course, I came to there recuse and got them safe from this bad storm.

This kitty went back to his house; I guess she felt safe with him for the moment. He told me, “I guess I was just so happy she had came back, I didn’t realize she would just run off again. I told her how much I cleaned up the house and fixed up some stuff. She seemed happy for a little while. Then next thing I new she jumped the fence and was happy in another house.”

If she is so happy why is she looking in my window?! I don’t share my house! So go run, wild kitty! You’re not welcome here no more! I’m not sure why she would rather run around the town rather then be safe. I have been out there for many years. You are always on the look-out. There are always bigger cats trying to get you…or dogs. I felt like I was always running from cars, and people.

I was always looking for food, and just trying to stay away from things that would hurt me. Now I had found my safe place I would never run away from this house. He would have to kick me out. I seemed to make him happy, and I was the happiest I have ever been. So go away other kitty! You had a great house. You chose to leave it…….

Stormy Weather

The sun was shining, yet I felt dark inside. My world was falling apart around me. I wanted to just lay in bed forever. But knowing that I had to get up, and take care of the boys and go to work, I wiped the tears from my eyes, and got up like my world had not fallen apart. I fed the boys breakfast, and got then to school, then cried all the way to work.

I put my makeup and smile on, and off to work I went. This routine would continue for a long time. My life as I knew it was over. My horrible divorce had gone public on Facebook.

Many years I went just faking happy. I would cry in the shower, so the boys would not how bad I hurt. They were the innocent victims in this war. Many nights I would lay awake wondering, “How can I do this alone?” And I blamed myself because I felt I had failed as a wife, and they lost their dad.

Then came the darkest day of my life ever….I came home from work and there was a foreclosure sign on our door. So I made game of it with my boys. “Let’s sell whatever we can to make money” I said, and we started looking for a place to rent in the smallest town ever. That was hard.We found a small house to rent and I was able to keep the boys in the same school; for that I was thankful.

By this point, my ex and his soon-to-be wife had moved 45 minutes away. Being with her was more important then helping me raise his kids. Thank God for some of the best friends I have ever met. Everyone helped out getting boys to sports, and school, and home.

Since my life had gone public, everyone knew everything. What no one knew is how dark I felt. I threw on a happy face and played the happy person, but every day I was struggling with the darkness that set in. At what point will the sun shine again in me?

It would be years of darkness until I felt the sun shine on me again…..

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